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Alike to my comment to the other piece, I personally find this confusing.  It is not nearly as confusing as the other piece, but I still can't really get what you're trying to say.

My best guess would be something along the lines of adults being more violent than children/children growing into killers (47 birthday spankings, stabbings.)

Perhaps with each year of life one dies in some way (47 ways to die?)

I don't see the significance of the number 47, nor of the month of May.



As I said ealier, me having to try to guess the meaning of your poem ultimately leaves me very dissatisfied with what I've just read.

Half the battle of good poetry is use of poetic language.  The other half is meaning.  Saying, "The sun set," and "The grapefruit of a sun melted into the horizon" is essentially saying the same thing.  But the second example is much more aesthetically pleasing.  I see a very small bit of it in this piece, but I still think you're being too literal.

As far as "meaning" goes:

Don't be so concerned with making something that is intensely meaningful.  Poetry doesn't have to be the spilling of a think tank; poetry can be about the most simple things.  What matters about a good poem is that it is poetic, that it reads well (which goes hand-in-hand with being 'poetic') and that it is OVERALL understandable.  Like I said in my other post, the point you're driving doesn't have to be black-and-white, but I still shouldn't have to ask you what you're saying.

A good poet shouldn't have to be present at a reading for their work to be fully appreciated.



From what I've seen so far, you simply seem to be trying too hard.  Take a step back, focus on using poetic devices, and work on weaving those devices into a greater tapestry of meaning once you're done.

A good exercise woudl be to take some common things and say them in a more poetic way.  For example, the sunset allusion above.

Try taking these simple things and making them into metaphors:


The appearance of the stars/moon as night dawns.

An ocean wave coming to shore.

Sunlight beaming into the water of a freshwater lake.

Someone being shot with a handgun.

A piece of fruit falling from its tree.



Feel free to re-submit them to me if you want, but don't feel obliged to.  It's just a suggestion.



Speaking of suggestions, I hope this one has bee helpful to you.

-D