Next year, I'll be participating in the April Fools writing challenge and I want to ask you all to do it with me. <3

Its website can be found here: [link]

It is a bit similar to NaNoWriMo- you write all throughout April. The difference is you set your personal goal for writing (however many words you want) and it doesn't have to be a single story- you can write one big novel if you want, or hundreds of drabbles. Whatever you prefer.

The site also has some interesting writer tools, my personal favourite being the critique form.

Anyway... mmyep. I'll be doing this. My initial goal will be 25,000 words, but it may increase depending.

Ripped from Jaire.

1) Ryoutan
2) Kanariya Mamoruno
3) Vapula
4) Orestes Ruiw
5) Nigel Cobbel
6) Jordis
7) Kanariya Nozomi

* Ryoutan finds Mamoruno’s secret stash of porn. On a scale of 1 to absolutely horrified, how do they react? Feel free to include why.
-Despite what many may think, Mamoruno does not keep porn. Unless, of course, you mean the photos he tends to take of his dealings. In that case, I see Ryou puking off in the corner.

* Jordis tells Vapula something s\he likes about her\him. In counterpoint, Vapula tells Jordis something s\he dislikes about her\him. How does this play out?
- Vapula gives an almost wry little smile, and then states his dislike. Jordis then heads a heavy glower and forces a rather pointy-toothed little smile.

* Nozomi finds Ryoutan and Mamoruno in bed together. What is her reaction?
- This would not happen for VARIOUS reasons. If it would, it would clearly be entirely nonsexual and I'm sure Nozomi would demand to know what the hell daddy was up to and what evil plan he had scheming.

* Breakfast. Vapula. Nigel. The last bowl of cereal. Who gets it?
- Vapula, just because he actually eats. That and Nigel tends to treat his devil elders with much respect.

* Nozomi and Mamoruno are in a room with their respective computers/ipods/boom boxes/whatever listening devices. There are no headphones (just speakers). What happens? (For the sake of argument, they can’t just go into separate rooms)
- Mamoruno would stay quiet and insist Nozomi do as she wishes.

* Survivor. Who gets voted off the island first? Who wins? Feel free to add any particular misadventures along the way.
- They don't have to kick Orestes off; he does himself in! It ends up with Mamoruno and Vapula sitting quietly at opposite ends of a campfire, looking each other in the eye in a stalemate.

* Ryoutan and Orestes go out for a night on the town (this can be a date, a “girl’s night out,” or what-have-you). Where do they go?
- Ryoutan takes Orestes to the doctor. Clearly, he needs it.

* In a follow up to the previous question, at whatever the most awkward/compromising location on that list is, they run into Vapula. What happens?
- Vapula is infinitely intrigued with Orestes's abnormal thought process and barely contains his desire to probe him further.

* Vapula is kidnapped. What do Orestes and Nozomi do about it (e.g. work together to rescue him/her, work separately and undermine each other’s efforts, ignore the situation completely)?
- Orestes is in no state to rescue anyone! Nozomi doesn't really know him, but I'm sure if she did she'd do nothing. She'd sit there picturing him ripping some poor man's face off and nod and think "He'll be just fine on his own."

* Mamoruno confesses his/her undying love for Jordis. What circumstances would be needed to bring this about, and how does Jordis react?
- I doubt Mamoruno would lose his touch enough to hit on a woman with a penis. Jordis would be a bit amused, but turn him down. She's married.

* The police have just picked up Ryoutan on suspicion of committing a crime. Who of the others is most likely to go to the police station and post bail?
- Mamoruno, because he thinks it's hilarious, or Nozomi, because she thinks he's a sweet young man.

--Optional follow up: What crime? Did they do it?
* Murdering his wife's father. And probably. Alternative, public indecency, and most certainly.

* Nigel, Ryoutan, and Nozomi stay at a hotel. Unfortunately, they get stuck with a room with only two beds and no couch. How do they resolve this?
- Nigel offers them the beds, and sits at the windowsill all night reading by the moon. Sleep isn't a necessity for him. Though he'd be a bit sore about being nice to Nozomi. She IS a woman, after all.

* Orestes is granted the option to summon the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy gang to do their bit with any of the group (including him/herself). Who do they pick?
- Orestes wouldn't know who they were and would either start smashing heads, or hole himself up in his room silently, waiting for them to leave.

* All seven discover /b/. Reactions, plz.
Ryoutan - There's not much there that could shock him, really.
Mamoruno - "Do they really think this is edgy? God, I've done so much worse."
Vapula - He'd just smile a little, bemused at how odd humans can be.
Orestes - He'd stare, eyes wide, in silence as he takes it all in without much grace.
Nigel - A bit of a twitch and a frown. He finds it quite juvenile and disgusting, but not for the reasons most people would.
Jordis - Momentarily contemplates taking nude photos of herself and posting them there for her amusement, but stops when she realizes the husband may get jealous.
Nozomi - PFFT, her father's MAMORUNO. This is NOTHING.

* Horror of horrors, the seven of them decide to order pizza. Who survives, who doesn’t, and what kind of pizza do they get? (Seven individual pizzas is considered cheating, yes)
- Nigel doesn't eat, so he's out.  The others, though... I could see Mamoruno and Nozomi voting for those egg pizza. Jordis offers something of unbelievable horror, possibly involving the lopping off of her own arm to make something akin to prosciutto. In the end, I see a large meat pizza with extra cheese being the only thing that keeps all involved from whining.

* Nozomi introduces Orestes to his/her family. How does this go? (Ghosts are allowed for characters with deceased families)
- Considering her family involves her son Deumos and her brother Gregory, I doubt it's THAT weird.

* Mamoruno, Orestes, and Vapula are in a play with a kissing scene. Who will have to kiss whom, and what do all three of them think of it?
- Orestes and Vapula kiss. Mamoruno gags at the thought of even touching either of the others. Orestes is bothered but says nothing and Vapula tries to use this as a calming device. Mamoruno chokes.

* Your story is being made into a movie, and the characters you’ve listed are allowed to pick who will be involved. Who do they choose? (This can be to play themselves or each other, to direct, compose, etc.)
- I have no idea.

* Jordis is pissed off over something. What do they do, and, more importantly, how do the others respond (you know, try to cheer them up, hide, etc.)?
- Jordis being angry isn't ever any good. All of them who know her would likely be avoiding her crazy ass- except Nozomi, who would bring her cookies. Cookies always help.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY ALL DONE I GET MY ASS TO BED NOW


AND FOR CONVINCE, here's the meme, numbered, for those who wanna do it.

[1] finds [2]’s secret stash of porn. On a scale of 1 to absolutely horrified, how do they react? Feel free to include why.

[6] tells [3] something s\he likes about her\him. In counterpoint, [3] tells [6] something s\he dislikes about her\him. How does this play out?

[7] finds [1] and [2] in bed together. What is her reaction?

Breakfast. [3]. [5]. The last bowl of cereal. Who gets it?

[7] and [2] are in a room with their respective computers/ipods/boom boxes/whatever listening devices. There are no headphones (just speakers). What happens? (For the sake of argument, they can’t just go into separate rooms)

Survivor. Who gets voted off the island first? Who wins? Feel free to add any particular misadventures along the way.

[1] and [4] go out for a night on the town (this can be a date, a “girl’s night out,” or what-have-you). Where do they go?

In a follow up to the previous question, at whatever the most awkward/compromising location on that list is, they run into [3]. What happens?

[3] is kidnapped. What do [4] and [7] do about it (e.g. work together to rescue him/her, work separately and undermine each other’s efforts, ignore the situation completely)?

[2] confesses his/her undying love for [6]. What circumstances would be needed to bring this about, and how does [6] react?

The police have just picked up [1] on suspicion of committing a crime. Who of the others is most likely to go to the police station and post bail?

--Optional follow up: What crime? Did they do it?

[5], [1], and [7] stay at a hotel. Unfortunately, they get stuck with a room with only two beds and no couch. How do they resolve this?

[4] is granted the option to summon the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy gang to do their bit with any of the group (including him/herself). Who do they pick?

All seven discover /b/. Reactions, plz.

Horror of horrors, the seven of them decide to order pizza. Who survives, who doesn’t, and what kind of pizza do they get? (Seven individual pizzas is considered cheating, yes)

[7] introduces [4] to his/her family. How does this go? (Ghosts are allowed for characters with deceased families)

[2], [4], and [3] are in a play with a kissing scene. Who will have to kiss whom, and what do all three of them think of it?

Your story is being made into a movie, and the characters you’ve listed are allowed to pick who will be involved. Who do they choose? (This can be to play themselves or each other, to direct, compose, etc.)

[6] is pissed off over something. What do they do, and, more importantly, how do the others respond (you know, try to cheer them up, hide, etc.)?

I am taking paid commissions on stories as I need some cash, doods. If you want anything written, and I mean prettymuch anything, tell me and we can work something out.

I have a detailed listing of terms here:
[link]

STILL no response, after more than a month. I just finished sending this off. I know I stated in my original post that I would post responses as well, but that's rather hard when I have received absolutely none.

~~~~~


To whom it may concern:

This is now the third time I have sent a copy of this correspondence. I am understandably quite annoyed at this point at the lack of answer at my questions. I do not feel I have been rude, nor demanding; I have simply asked questions as they arose regarding the subject of my novel and as of yet they have not been answered. I sent this letter the first time on 24 February, 2009, and the exact letter I am about to send again on 10 March, 2009. After over a month with no reply, I am rather worried if not agitated at the lack of response.

I feel I have done no wrong in conveying to your company what was told to me by a salesperson at the local Barnes and Noble and all I wish for is a response to these accusations they have made, wondering why they would say such a thing and refuse to order my book that your company has published. The silence I have received for my questions, however, has given me much suspicion and doubt when previously I was only confused.

Once again, here is a copy of the letter, verbatim, that was sent before. I hope this time I get a response.

~~~~~

I have many questions about your handling of my novel, but I will start with the main one for now.

I was told when my book was published that it would be available in brick and mortar stores easily. For the first time in quite a while, one of my mother's friends was interested; together we went to the local Barnes and Noble. To my surprise, my novel did not even show up in their database, even when provided ISBN, publishing date, title, all of that that I'd written down on a piece of paper. I was informed that they wouldn't order from your company because returns are a large hassle for them and too much to risk considering the book prices, which is also distinctively against what I've been informed. Can you please explain to me why this occurred? Can you also please explain to me why such things were said?

Thank you very much.

~[my name here]

I did not get a response from my last letter. Undaunted, I sent it again.

Sent today:

I sent a message to the company on 24 February and did not receive a response. Here is the same message again, in case somehow it was not received.

~~~~~

I have many questions about your handling of my novel, but I will start with the main one for now.

I was told when my book was published that it would be available in brick and mortar stores easily. For the first time in quite a while, one of my mother's friends was interested; together we went to the local Barnes and Noble. To my surprise, my novel did not even show up in their database, even when provided ISBN, publishing date, title, all of that that I'd written down on a piece of paper. I was informed that they wouldn't order from your company because returns are a large hassle for them and too much to risk considering the book prices, which is also distinctively against what I've been informed. Can you please explain to me why this occurred? Can you also please explain to me why such things were said?

Thank you very much.

~[my name here]